Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
