Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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