so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
