omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
