I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
