I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
