Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Verdict: uncircumcised.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
