I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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