Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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