dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
