When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
