What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
