Non-Jews are for practice
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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