I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
