I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
