i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
