i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
