I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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