My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
