May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
