Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Every concussion has its silver lining
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
