I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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