is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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