Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
