Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
