It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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