I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
