I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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