Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
