You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
