I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
