I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
