Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
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