Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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