the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
