If that was your dad, he is hot
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
