He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
