I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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