I faked an abortion last night.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
