if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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