she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
