This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
