the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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