i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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