i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
