So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
