U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
