do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
