$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
