Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
