It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
