Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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